Be my dream.

Your breath taking beauty, breaches the depth of my understanding. This beauty, not only runs outwardly, it’s obviously open on the inside. Instantly increasing the cause of my interest. Perhaps, I allow a perception of attraction to be plainly seen, not even attempting at hiding it. Oh, the feelings that forever scratch the surface, are the feelings that sting the the most. I know you will be a dream come true. I just hope it’s my dream. 

Victims and Villains

One thing that I hope I have done a good job at, has been shedding light on the real perversion and the magnitude of depression and what it does to your life and the ones around you. There are plenty of times where we feel isolated and separated from the world because of our depression. Whether it be, because of the culture or the lifestyle we choose to live or the shear panic of rejection by the people around us. Depression can hit in all shapes, sizes and forms. There is no protocol that depression follows. It has its own agenda.

That’s where the internet and social media has helped change the world. The simple fact that it allows people to connect to others that they might not get the chance or would be able to connect to someone else. There are organizations all over the Web and around the world that have dedicated their sole purpose of helping anyone who fights depression.

Then, there is Victims and Villains

Victims and Villains. A podcast where Nerd culture meets suicide prevention. Come talk nerd and talk hope with us. This is your invitation. We’re on itunes. And check out our network,

Victims and Villains is a podcast that combines nerd culture and news with suicide prevention. Started in late May of this past year, the show was the brain child of two best friends who wanted to just talk nerd. After doing it for a few months, a spark was created to reach the comic con culture. Not just to talk nerd but to talk hope with a culture that reads, watches or plays to escape. This podcast is set up to talk the reality and depth of depression, yet offer hope and friendship to any and all listening to the show.

Here is their latest episode.

Every Friday at 6:00 pm Eastern Standard time they have a segment running about depression and personal accounts of battling it. I have had the great honour to be approached by the Show and asked if I would contribute to an ongoing segment that the podcast has been running.

Tonight at 6:00 pm Eastern standard time, a new episode will be aired, in which I will tell my story of depression. I have been very humbled by this process and have had great healing through this. I urge everyone to listen to the podcast tonight and follow Victims and Villains on Facebook and on their Website, listed above.

Thank you once again for reading. Please tune in tonight to hear me get personal. And please if you or anyone you know struggle with depression or suicidal thoughts, please do not be afraid to seek help.

One of those weeks.

This seriously has been a hell of a week. Not just me but the whole world it seems. And yet all that matters to me right now, is the fact that I feel so lonely right now. A lot is looking up in my life. I have good things to be thankful for. Sure the same negative is in my life, my shitty health, my shitty ex, and just other shitty shit, but I’ve started to see clearer. I’ve begun to understand things are the way they are. I’m just ready for a constant positive in my life. I’m tired of things constantly changing. I understand that is life, but what I mean is I just need a moment for things to say positive for me. Sigh, I’m just tired man. 

Find yourself, Find your Love

I can seriously be such a fool sometimes. Now to be honest, this isn’t poetry, this isn’t for entertainment, this is to be honest, to break down thoughts, to make sense of everything that keeps me up at night.

I will constantly say I won’t do something then do it, or I attempt to poorly justify it with basic logic and reasoning skills, is it because I have no Damn self control? Or is it because by nature I am manipulative?

Now, I don’t know many people that would be able to sit down and look at their actions and straight up admit that they are manipulative, but isn’t that where perspective comes into play? One person can see your actions as manipulative, but yet to you, it’s normal and it makes sense?

Where is the justification in perspective? Do we determine what we believe about ourselves based on what is said about us? Or do we determine our truth, by what we Know about ourself?

Think about it, how often do you say I love you, to yourself? How can you know anything about yourself, if you cannot show love, appreciation, and have a connection with yourself. 

The fact of the matter, it is much easier to love someone else then yourself. It is much easier to let someone else love you, then to love yourself. How long can you continuously show love to one person, when deep down, you resent your very being?

We all have our own resentments. Mine are , my health, my awkwardness, my ability to put other before myself. I resent the fact that when I want to do something for myself, I feel guilty, as if I don’t feel I deserve whatever it may be.

We have to let go of those resentments, we have to understand our flaws, our imperfections, is just a sparkle of dust compared to everything else that composes and defines us. 

If there is one thing I have learned, it’s that until we can find the love, inside of us, we will never be able to let the love flourish outwardly. 
I desire to love myself more then anyone. Is that selfish? Or is it honest?
Again, isn’t it all about perspective?

Time Doesn’t Heal

​Time doesn’t heal anything. Everything that has ever hurt you, will always be present. It will add up, it will overwhelm, and it will drag you down. However, eventually, each one of these pains just stop mattering. Their existence stays present in your life, but you learn to adapt. The pain changes you, makes you better, makes you stronger.  What matters, is how you use the pain. Don’t make your pain  useless.