Find yourself, Find your Love

I can seriously be such a fool sometimes. Now to be honest, this isn’t poetry, this isn’t for entertainment, this is to be honest, to break down thoughts, to make sense of everything that keeps me up at night.

I will constantly say I won’t do something then do it, or I attempt to poorly justify it with basic logic and reasoning skills, is it because I have no Damn self control? Or is it because by nature I am manipulative?

Now, I don’t know many people that would be able to sit down and look at their actions and straight up admit that they are manipulative, but isn’t that where perspective comes into play? One person can see your actions as manipulative, but yet to you, it’s normal and it makes sense?

Where is the justification in perspective? Do we determine what we believe about ourselves based on what is said about us? Or do we determine our truth, by what we Know about ourself?

Think about it, how often do you say I love you, to yourself? How can you know anything about yourself, if you cannot show love, appreciation, and have a connection with yourself. 

The fact of the matter, it is much easier to love someone else then yourself. It is much easier to let someone else love you, then to love yourself. How long can you continuously show love to one person, when deep down, you resent your very being?

We all have our own resentments. Mine are , my health, my awkwardness, my ability to put other before myself. I resent the fact that when I want to do something for myself, I feel guilty, as if I don’t feel I deserve whatever it may be.

We have to let go of those resentments, we have to understand our flaws, our imperfections, is just a sparkle of dust compared to everything else that composes and defines us. 

If there is one thing I have learned, it’s that until we can find the love, inside of us, we will never be able to let the love flourish outwardly. 
I desire to love myself more then anyone. Is that selfish? Or is it honest?
Again, isn’t it all about perspective?

The Smile.

The smile plastered on your face, has me pondering so many thoughts. The peril of my mind turns to a chaotic usurping of power between The heart and the mind. Each deity of my brain begins to tug and pull at the stings of my being. Breaking down my mental state day by day. I search your smile, testing the validity of the postered happiness. It stings in my heart, leaving a trail of doubt every step of the way. Were you ever that happy or is that smile always fake?

Tonight

Tonight, when emotions ran high, my mind did wander

To how simple it would be, to just give up and to just quit.

The constant nagging of the every day pressures of life

Weighing down on me, dragging me under,

Quietly suffocating every attempt to scream.

Longing the for the time

When this separation can be behind us.

Tonight, when emotion ran high, my mind did wander,

To how I won’t quit

To how I won’t give up on…

You

 

There are few oddities in the world people don’t get to experience. Lightning striking twice in the same place. A storm destroying everything in its path, but one house. Hit the jackpot twice in one lifetime. Finding true Love. I was fortunate enough to find mine. We didn’t finish sentences we finished thoughts. The way her smooth hands cupped my face and gently placed a kiss of deep love upon my forehead, would melt the coldest of hearts. True love comes once in a lifetime. You were one of a kind.