Find yourself, Find your Love

I can seriously be such a fool sometimes. Now to be honest, this isn’t poetry, this isn’t for entertainment, this is to be honest, to break down thoughts, to make sense of everything that keeps me up at night.

I will constantly say I won’t do something then do it, or I attempt to poorly justify it with basic logic and reasoning skills, is it because I have no Damn self control? Or is it because by nature I am manipulative?

Now, I don’t know many people that would be able to sit down and look at their actions and straight up admit that they are manipulative, but isn’t that where perspective comes into play? One person can see your actions as manipulative, but yet to you, it’s normal and it makes sense?

Where is the justification in perspective? Do we determine what we believe about ourselves based on what is said about us? Or do we determine our truth, by what we Know about ourself?

Think about it, how often do you say I love you, to yourself? How can you know anything about yourself, if you cannot show love, appreciation, and have a connection with yourself. 

The fact of the matter, it is much easier to love someone else then yourself. It is much easier to let someone else love you, then to love yourself. How long can you continuously show love to one person, when deep down, you resent your very being?

We all have our own resentments. Mine are , my health, my awkwardness, my ability to put other before myself. I resent the fact that when I want to do something for myself, I feel guilty, as if I don’t feel I deserve whatever it may be.

We have to let go of those resentments, we have to understand our flaws, our imperfections, is just a sparkle of dust compared to everything else that composes and defines us. 

If there is one thing I have learned, it’s that until we can find the love, inside of us, we will never be able to let the love flourish outwardly. 
I desire to love myself more then anyone. Is that selfish? Or is it honest?
Again, isn’t it all about perspective?

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